Among the things that can make grieving difficult or unhealthy for a youth is intense grief that involves uncontrollable weeping and sorrowing as Rachel was said to have done in Jeremiah 31:15. Doing this causes serious health hazards in that one develops serious headaches, lack of appetite, physical exhaustion, sleeplessness, and several others. It is important to know that no amount of grieving/mourning could bring back our loved ones. It is good to grief reasonably!
The other side of this is denying or suppressing one’s emotions and feelings of expressing its sadness and pains for reasons such as not being seen a weakling and traditions that discourage one from doing so. Grief as an important natural response like every other will always find a way of out, and when it does it is usually explosive! Suppressed emotions and feelings cause an outburst of anger, mental anguish, and other unhealthy emotions. There is nothing bad about grieving and mourning for the loss of our loved ones. Weeping releases inner tension, Matthew 54. Weeping is not a sign of weakness and neither is not weeping a sign of strength. Crying does not make one less Christian. Remember our Lord Jesus wept at Lazarus’ grave, John 11:35. He even encourages us saying “blessed are those that mourn: for they shall be comforted”, Matthew 5:4. The outburst of suppressed grieve is harmful because it is toxic!
Another thing that can make grieving difficult and unhealthy for a youth is having an intense feeling of guilt especially of being handicap/helpless and not being able to prevent the death. Feeling this way is very wrong. It is harmful. This is self-condemning and this leads to unnecessary anger, alienation from others, and feeling of unworthiness and failure which could lead to self-harm. It is important to point it out here that there is nothing anyone even the most experienced human physician could do to prevent a person whose time to die is up from death, Hebrews 9:27. God alone can. No matter what anyone does can never bring back to life a person that had died. Don’t even entertain the feeling of guilt at all.
Another one is to believe the death of a loved parent/person is the end of one’s lives, end of the road to success, and the breaking of one’s backbones. This type of belief makes one become helpless, hopeless, depressed with a desire to die and be with the dead loved one. At this state nothing in this life matters. This usually happens when children are insecure and are over-dependent on their parents.
In as much as it is a fact that the death of a parent is a colossal loss that creates a great vacuum that no one else can occupy/fill in one’s heart life, yet it is not the end of life or end of destiny fulfillment for their children. Their death is just the end of their own lives’ journey here on earth but it is not the end of their children’s. Children have their own lives separate from their parents’ lives. If not so, Benjamin, Joseph’s younger brother; who was born the day their mother Rachel died could not have survived after his mother’s death. Since Benjamin could survive and fulfill destiny, any fatherless or motherless child or orphan could. The only Being, no one cannot survive without is God, the owner, and giver of life! Each individual has his/her own potentials to succeed in life. Visualize yourself doing exploits without them. Try not to associate everything negative that happens to you to their death, because doing so would increase your grief and also hinder your progress. DEPEND ONLY ON GOD.
In as much as it is a known fact that losing one’s parents can cause a serious setback, undue suffering, hardship, and hindrances such as dropping out of school due to lack of school fees, becoming homeless, becoming the breadwinner and caregiver to their young siblings, forced into early marriage and several others. Yet, none of these can stop any from fulfilling destiny! Remember Joseph suffered and faced serious hardship too such as being hated by family members, stripped of his colored coat, being cast into a dry well, sold into slavery and imprisonment, yet at God’s appointed time he fulfilled his destiny, Genesis 37:23, 24, 27, 36; 39:20. All he experienced did not only lead him to the place of his destiny but also developed him to be the independent, hardworking leader God wanted him to be. The fulfillment of the destiny of any child does not rest on parents but solely on God Almighty, the perfect Creator who knew, planned and purposed who each child would be before being formed and born, Ezekiel 1:5. His counsel alone stands for everyone, Isaiah 46:9-11. God will be with you and help you, Isaiah 1:5. Keep hope alive accept and go through everything ordained for you joyfully with your own heart as unto God. With God on your side as He was with Joseph you can do everything through Jesus Christ, Philippians 4:13.
Another thing that can make grieving difficult is the superstitious belief or insinuation that certain people such as witches, wizards, aged people, and some innocent children are responsibly for loved one’s death; especially when such deaths are sudden, tragic and untimely and happened at certain places and circumstances. Such believes make grieving more intense and make the pains and sorrowing to linger for a very long time because it adds fear, bitterness, hatred, malice, to the pain and sorrows the death has already inflicted upon the heart. Playing the oracle and speaking with the dead would only add salt to your injury. They are all magic and lies! Indulging in such is sin, Deuteronomy 18:9-12; Leviticus 19:26.31. Involving in all these falsehoods are indications of one’s inability to accept the loss of our beloved’s death. In as much as it is not easy to accept the death of our loved ones, and let go of them, we have to. The earlier the better so that one can have peace and the dead can also rest in peace.
It is unfortunate that many people when faced with the death of a loved one, would heap all the blames and accusations on God. They either accuse Him of causing the death or for not preventing it. The truth is that God is never the cause of death of anyone’s death and He did not want any to die untimely. He originally created man to live forever. Death came to man as a result of man’s disobedience to God’s commandment as related in Genesis 2-3. For this reason, all men shall taste death.
However, God in His love and mercy towards man gave His only begotten son Jesus Christ to come and save man from death by his death on the cross and His resurrection from the dead, John 3:16; 11:25-26. Therefore, to escape death in all multifaceted aspect one must embrace God’s salvation through Jesus Christ who has abolished death, and has brought life and immortality to light, 2 Timothy 1:10.
No one can afford to be angry with God without hurting himself or herself.
My Dear reader, have you lost a very dear parent, please accept my condolences. Know that you are not alone in it. There are many youths worldwide that have lost someone loved and special too. You may feel lonely but know that you are not alone because God is with you. However, you mustn’t withdraw from people. Don’t indulge in self-pity also. Doing so will make you involve in negative thinking which is harmful to your health. The best way of overcoming grief is to turn to God, the God of all consolations, Romans 15:5. God strengthens the grievers, Psalm 119:28. Pray to him for help and he will answer you, I am sure Joseph did so and was helped, Genesis 49:24.
God being the all-knowing God knows about all our pains and sorrows. Psalm 139: 1-18. He knows each of us and the right word that will soothe our pains. Whatever He allows He gives the grace to overcome. He is the father of the fatherless and the help of the hopeless, Psalm 68:5. He is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble, Psalm 46: 1. He will never leave you or forsake you, Hebrews 13:5. Try and remove your attention and focus from your loss to Jesus the author and finisher of our faith Hebrews 12:2. Cast your cares upon god for he cares for you, 1 Peter 5: 7c. Pray always, Luke 21:3; 1 Thessalonians 5: 17.
Remembering and grieving from time to time is inevitable especially when their presence is needed or their absence felt. Remember at such times that the grace of God is sufficient for you, 2 Corinthians 12:9. He will see you through because He cares so much for the motherless and fatherless children and those that grief. You can and you will survive it. Time will your wounds. The pain of the loss of a loved one though grievous is like clouds that gradually pass by.
Know that parents’ wishes and prayers generally are for their children to survive them, to continue to be courageous, and not to soil their family name. So brace up and fulfill their wishes for you. Do things you know would make them happy and be proud of you if they were to be alive. Grieve reasonably.
If you have not yet embraced God’s gracious salvation through Jesus Christ, please, you need to do so now for you to enjoy God’s presence, grace and comfort as Joseph did, Genesis 39-3-5, 21-23. Come to Him now by taking the steps written below:
· Admit you are a sinner, Romans 3:23; 6:23.
· Repent of all sins, Acts 3:19, 1 John 1:9
· Believe that God loves you and that Jesus His only Son died for you, Romans 5:8, Acts 10: 40 & 43.
· Invite Jesus into your heart, Revelations 3: 20
GOD WHO SAW ME THROUGH IT ALL WHEN I LOST MY FATHER AT AGE FIFTEEN AND MADE ME WHO I AM TODAY BY HIS GRACE WILL SEE YOU THROUGH IT ALL TOO. BE ENCOURAGED!
IT IS WELL WITH YOU IN JESUS NAME.
GOD LOVES YOU, AND SO DO I.