In the most recent times, the news of young people especially ladies falling into depression and committing suicide as a result of being jilted by their lovers is on the increase and this is very saddening and worrisome. Being depressed is a terrible emotional and mental state to be in. Depression is real and it is a very serious mental problem that must be handled with caution because it can easily overwhelm its victim.
According to the renowned Christian counselor Gary R. Collins, Ph.D. “depression overwhelms its victims with feelings of despair, fear, exhaustion, immobilizing apathy, hopelessness, inner desperation, and thoughts of suicide.” Unfortunately, depression is said to be higher among youths schooling than their counterparts not in school because those in school are under many pressures like societal, parental, financial, and academic pressures. Depression is also high among single working-class ladies in their thirties and above because they are under job, parental, and societal pressures to get married.
Jilting happens mostly when two people who have no business being in a love relationship with each other in the first place are. Although, in most cases there are usually early red alert signs that the relationship is heading nowhere or towards hitting the rock, however, the one who would bear the brunt would ignore the signs because he or she believes things would get better and work out with time. The one that suffers heartbreak when a supposed love relationship collapses is usually the one truly in love, the most committed, and the one who has put in his or her everything in such a relationship and has remained loyal and true.
Nothing can equate with the pain, trauma, and agony one suffers emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally as a result of being jilted because of what love is. Love generally is the greatest of all passions as it simultaneously affects the mental, the heart, and the sensory organs. Therefore, when one is jilted, one becomes traumatized mentally and emotionally. The heart seems shattered into a million pieces and it hurts, and all the organs in one’s body begin to malfunction. This makes the pains and sorrows of being jilted something felt all over one’s body and it is something that makes one confused, weep profusely, and become depressed. Once one became depressed nothing in life matters again. It is in this state of confusion, depression, and despair that Satan would prompt one to make the wrong decision to commit suicide. This is why it is advised that anyone jilted should not stay in isolation and should be on suicide watch by friends and family members. No matter the intensity of the pain felt, take heart, and don’t allow it to overwhelm you to the extent of becoming hopeless and in despair. You must never give up on Life. Suicide is not an option!
Now that it has happened, you have to be strong and brace up. Pick up the bits and pieces of your heart together and forge ahead. Although, the pains of heartbreak takes time to heal, however; accepting the whole situation as it is, helps to heal the wound on time. Go through the pains and not around the pains because only then will you learn valuable life lessons and also gain experience. If you need to cry, then, cry, it brings inner relief. Try not to be angry with yourself and your offender. To forgive may seem difficult, but you must forgive your offender for your peace of mind and healing. Let go and let God!
Being jilted though very painful, is something not worth dying for at all because it is not the end of life. No man or woman is worth dying for. Being jilted is like other past sad experiences. Therefore, it is bound to pass away with time. Whatever makes you think you cannot live without the supposed lover that dumped you is a lie because you survived before he or she came into your life and you are bound to survive after he or she must have left. Others before you who were heartbroken survived it. So you too will.
I want you to know that for someone who claimed to have loved you to dump you, means he or she never really loved you in the first place because love fails not. (1 Cor. 13:8). Such a person is not worthy of you at all and not meant for you. What is not meant to be would not be. If a particular man or lady doesn’t want you several others will! Consider this, if you kill yourself because someone dumped you, the one who dumped you loses nothing because it is not his or her life and he or she does not feel your pain while you, who commits suicide would lose your life, reputation, and everything and also put your family and loved ones in great pains and sorrow.
It is stupid for anyone to think that by committing suicide one punishes the one that jilted one or that God will avenge one’s death on the one that jilted one. One question you should ask yourself is this; what negative impact will your death have on him or her? None! He or she continues with life and would move on with the next available person. As long as he or she didn’t kill you with his or her own hands and neither sent someone else to kill you, he or she wouldn’t even be arrested or charged to a law court for manslaughter or murder! Therefore, be wise and think with your head and not with your emotions when jilted. Don’t harm or kill yourself for an undeserving person. Better days and people are always ahead of people, including you. You must stay alive, take good care of yourself and become successful since dying would not allow you to show the one who jilted you that your life is not dependent on them and that you can be fulfilled and happy without them. So, please don’t commit suicide, it is never a punishment or a revenge option. Live, so that you can tell the story of how you overcame and be a source of encouragement to others.
Always remember that being jilted by a supposed lover like other disappointments is a blessing in disguise. Therefore, be grateful to God for removing from your life an unworthy being and future heartbreak instead of wasting your time grieving over spilled milk. Brace Up. Be strong and courageous and allow whosoever wants to leave to go away so that better someone would come. Don’t beg him or her to take you back because it will still end in tears. Don’t tie your life and happiness to anybody.
Know that the one that jilted you might go about spreading nasty and untrue things about you in an effort you feel bad and probably make you hate yourself. However, don’t let such talk bother you. Don’t isolate yourself or indulge in self-pity. Instead, love yourself more, look your best and go visiting places. Nothing is wrong with you because the Bible says, “You are beautifully and wonderfully made.” (Ps. 139:14). God loves you and He says you are precious and honorable in His sight. (Isaiah 43:4).
Friends may come up blaming you for being the cause of the breakup, but don’t be bothered. It is your business and not theirs. No matter what anybody says, don’t ever allow anyone’s judgment to weigh on you or pull you down. That someone lets you down does not imply you will never find love again. You will. I assure you that someone else more lovely and loyal would come your way soonest. Love yourself more. Take good care of yourself while you enjoy the liberty God has given you by saving you from a relationship that would probably have gotten you killed if it had continued! Try and put all that has happened behind you. Move on with your life. You have better days ahead. The best is yet to come. You would soon find true love.
The devil might want to capitalize on your sad experience and come up with a lie that nobody cares or loves you. Don’t ever believe this lie because many people love, admire, and adore you that you are not aware of just yet. The reason why I have taken the time to write this is that I care about you and I love you. PARENTS SHOULD PLEASE STOP PRESSURING THEIR SONS AND DAUGHTERS OF MARRIAGEABLE AGE TO MARRY. This is one of the reasons that made those jilted to commit suicide.
HOW TO AVOID HEARTBREAK
a) Be aware of the fact that falling in love with someone of a different religious belief, fundamental values and ideologies is risky. So be wise. “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” (Amos 3:3).
b) Know and be able to differentiate between like, love, lust, and infatuation. For example, someone may just like you because he admires certain things in you. Maybe all he just wants from you is to be a talking pal – an ordinary friend. Let it remain as that, don’t develop feelings for such a person. Don’t fall in love with such a person, and don’t force yourself on such a person; else, you will be wounded.
Be sensitive to early red alert signs that show the imminent collapse of the relationship such as cheating, seriousness, any form of abuse, and comparing you with others.
c) Know that humans lie a lot. Not all who profess to love you are in love with you. What some persons who come to you are after is sex and their behaviors like inappropriate touching and sex talks and demands would reveal this. Once such persons have satisfied themselves they would go away. Don’t fall in love or give yourself to someone who just wants sex because no matter what you do, such a person can never be emotionally attached to you, they will dump you in the end.
d) Don’t indulge in premarital sex. (Hebrews 13:4). Girls mostly think that having sex with a man would make him stay and marry them. Some even believed getting pregnant would make a man fall in love with them. This is a big lie. Sex endears a female to a male emotionally, but sex is not so to most males, it is just a mere way of satisfying their sexual urges.
What makes being jilted heartbreaking for many is the feeling of being used and dumped after several sexual intimacies and wasteful spending on them. Stop investing heavily in someone you are not yet married to. True love between two partners is what sustains the relationship and not beauty, giving of expensive gifts, and free sex.
e) Don’t pressurize anyone to give you an engagement ring or marriage promises. Know that giving engagement rings and marriage proposals means nothing serious these days.
f) At times listening to family members most especially parents’ observation remarks on the one you are going out with could save you from heartache.
g) True Love is very scarce these days. Therefore it is very important, to seek the face of God who is love, and the source of true love in prayers for someone that would love and cherish you. It might take some time for the right person to come. But it is worth the wait. Be loyal with sense.
h) Do not live within the expectations of your parents, society, and traditions on when to marry and who to marry. Your life is not dependent on parental, societal, and traditional laid-down rules. It is dependent on God’s will, purpose, and time for your life. Marriage and having children is not a do-or-die thing. It will happen when it will happen. God’s time is the best.
Conclusively, the best thing to do in the face of heartbreak is to turn one’s pains to God through Jesus Christ in prayers and ask for His help and strength. He is our burden bearer (Matt.11:28-30). He knows and understands how you feel because he passed through such when He was denied, rejected, and crucified on the cross by the very people He loved so much and had come to save you. He is the perfect healer of broken hearts (Psalm 147:3). He would heal you of your broken heart and give you His love and peace in replacement. His love fails not (Lamentations 3:2. God truly loves and cares for you. So cast your burden upon Him and you will be glad you did. “CAST YOUR CARE UPON HIM FOR HE CARES FOR YOU.” (1 PETER 5:7).
GOD LOVES YOU AND SO DO I